I’m folding laundry.
But all I can really think about is her. And millions of others–just like her.
Another pair of shorts. And another. And another. How many shorts does an almost 7 year old boy need anyway? Yet, those like her…only have the clothes on their little bodies. That’s it.
I live in a culture where we match our shoes to the color of our shirt for goodness sake. We actually “accessorize”. We cook for pleasure…and eat our cake too.
I can’t help but feel–we’re missing the mark.
That THIS…is NOT…what we were made for.
Why do I get to live in this privileged country?
My 2 year old cried tonight. Not because he was hungry. But because he didn’t like the dinner I made. It wasn’t good enough…to his sweet little 2 year old tastebuds.
Yet, I handed her a half eaten power bar–that even I had to force myself to eat…she quickly devoured half of it. And then clinched the other half tightly as she ran. She found her friend–and gave the other half to her to eat. They both looked back at me…smiled–and she ran back and reached for me to pick her up again. How this must make the Lord smile. It’s no wonder His Word says so much about the poor and orphans…it seems they really get it.
Three months. Three months. Three months. The length of time required to foster a child in country before allowed to adopt internationally in Zambia. (Three months with 4 little ones and fostering a new one…while my husband works in the US…could I do it? Why does it have to be so long?)
I walk around my house thinking about malaria…parasites…all the health risks. Quite confused about if we are to continue in a predictable, short trip program–or take a crazy adventure that seems so unknown and scarey to me. Maybe He just wants to see if we are willing to seek Him in eveything and trust Him…and He’ll release us to continue the course we began on. But for now, I know we must pray…and consider this option as well.
Because I held her.
And she is real.
But most of all–my heart isn’t allowing me to move forward and think of anything else right now. Rico Suave is the most amazing man in the world. He sits here with me. Waiting. Ready. Willing.
Our children…open hearted. Along for whatever the Lord says for us to do.
I share this with a friend at church.
You know you can’t save them all. I mean, when is enough–enough Andrea.
Without thinking I respond. I know. I understand what you are saying. But I also think our culture too often uses that thinking as an excuse to do nothing. And I can’t do nothing. I held her–and I just have to see…and wait…and go if He says go. And I can’t worry about what the world thinks either.
And no. I can’t save them all. If you want the truth–I can’t even save one. Only He can.
He so often uses His people to be His hands and feet…and I count all the loss for the cost of whatever He calls us to in this life. It is a privilege to follow Him–and experience His love and joy as we follow.
3 Trust in the Lord and do good.
Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
4 Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.
5 Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust him, and he will help you.
6 He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,
and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.
7 Be still in the presence of the Lord,
and wait patiently for him to act.
So often, I’ve heard these verses–especially the “Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your heart’s desires…” This is NOT talking about your desires that pertain to the world–because when you delight yourself in the Lord–your worldly desires go away. WHY IN THE WORLD would I desire some of the things I’m desiring. It doesn’t make sense. It really doesn’t sound fun. And it’s far different than the white picket fence with 2 kids and a dog dream of a future that we started off with.
I’m learning so much…so much from little ones–like a little girl who gets something she desperately needs…yet immediately looks for someone to serve and gives half of it away.
So much from a widow dancing…singing her heart out…for the joy of the Lord is her strength.
I’m pushing things to the left and right in my kids closets and drawers as I make room to put up their things. More things. More things in one year of their lives that most of the world will ever own in a lifetime.
My heart is also ready to push some things out…that just need to be pushed out…to make room for more.
I will trust in the Lord.
I want to take delight in Him and trust my heart…to be changed…and for His desires to become my desires…
To commit everything I do to the Lord
and trust Him to help me.
I will wait patiently for Him to act.
And tonight–I’m singing this with my brother in Christ Coffey Anderson:
Laying all this on my heart…down at the cross. Trusting Him to act. And walking away with the Joy of the Lord.